“I feel like I’ve been fighting Bowser for fucking four years.
It’s time to save the damn princess already!”
M U S T
B U S T
His ways were appealing and I knew they’d overcome once I learned. I claim not to have learned, but this itchy skin’s finally finding seams. I want to further far far away with none but portable shelter, a sheaf, perhaps some flame, and a bowl to fill with compassion. Feed on none but compassion and knowledge, which when true is compassion anyway.
Wallowing here like a pig is not a choice. Resting eyelids – resting any body when not time isn’t a choice. The choice must only be to shed all that prevents me from knowing and behaving in truth. home isn’t here yet – it calls from that vast land on an appropriated map (perhaps. who knows home until it’s reached)
FUCK these CONFINES this bed does not SERVE
it does not SERVE to wake to an alarm and look at premediated prescription pages
it does not SERVE to strike any sort of balance
And I have the means this time around to renounce.
Today I cannot settle and the reigns shannot be drawn. Today is buzzing from inner-outs and needs in energy discover. Every day is this, this need to expand into Brahman conscious STRIKING past all chains and weird misfigurations! ILLUSION!
craziness
keeping secret all but my tent and the locks of my hair on dirt ground. Fire. Not going in the name of colonialism. Not going as a means to oppress but hoping to shed all these associations – to shed my very skin itself and every attached history and label, to shake out from this dried up husk!! EMERGED! There are no consequences to finding bliss! THE CONSEQUENCE IS ONLY IN REMAINING HERE, fighting Bowser until I die of bored tears. Remaining. Still. Stagnant. A waste of a rebirth and meaningless use of energy. Doing nothing but inserting trace minerals, toxins of sham or at the very best breaking relatively even. But not absorbing for others.
None of this can I say is for others, nay-
this is false. my practices and these learnings are. And they prepare me to travel forth if I am patient. I will dedicate the next 3 months, sure, to study and preparation and loss (which is gain).
And then I’ll go.
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