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Posts Tagged ‘big five’

I’ve been slackalackin’ on the post front, for serious. It’s okay, other things are flowing these days.

I meant to Big Five on the fifteenth as customary, but time kept slipping past the creases in my knuckles til it was three later. I’ve a feeling picking the big ones is going to be a challenge for me today. Know that this post is informed by the incredible elation I tend to feel when Dirty Projectors sweetly serenade me (at this moment in my kitchen).

1. Relief.

– After my illness two weeks ago, I returned to my body. Now it’s a matter of staying inside it, but I tell you it’s going well!

– And relief for letting him go and returning to my little life without distraction. I feel like a better human being when I’m alone romantically. I’m focusing my time! Being with folks I care for and showing them such in calculation and pureness.

2. Just living the day-to-day.

– I am okay with being in one place! I am happy with work and going to yoga in the mornings and filling the rest of my days with inspiration.

3. Some stagnancy.

– I’ve been struggling with a feeling like I’m not and never doing enough. I want to create, create, create! but I can’t figure out what to spill my energies in. It’s all about who I want to be, I suppose. But there is so much worthiness out there craving my attention and I find myself scattering all over the place. I’m craving depth in something but there seem to be so many barriers – like cost and future travel. I want to become well versed in things I can take with me, things that require little to no money or material. Dancing. Writing. But I’m craving movie-making and taking up some instrument. I have faith that Warren Wilson will cure me of slight boredom and swing me in the other direction, perhaps feeling a schedule even too crowded. It feels it’s been a long time since I’ve been so consistently active as I expect to be there. I hope not to go overboard, but I plan to embrace intensive activity.

4. Magic and childlike wonder.

5. I am leaving so soon! Cramming everything in before hand and spending time with lovelies.

 

I am high.

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The Big Five: Current top overarching concerns of my life.

The stillness of this starless city as I'm walking home at night.

The stillness of this starless city as I'm walking home at night.

1 work.

– I hated to place this at number one, but seeing as I’m working 5-6 days a week, it’s difficult to avoid. My dreams at night are about work. I’ve been promoted to “Bartender,” which means I sling fresh juices, smoothies, espresso drinks, etc, for the whole approx. 93-seat restaurant. I gotta say, I do love steaming and foaming milk. I’m decent at the position but it doesn’t especially suit me. I’ve been struggling with unhappiness at work as of late. When I’m on bar, I don’t feel like socializing with customers or coworkers because I have so many tasks to complete and I’m still getting used to things. Other people just tend to get in the way. Today marks the first day I have off after 8 days straight of working; it’s no wonder I’m feeling burnt out. For the most part, I love my job and I feel blessed to be working at a place like Trident. But I cannot WAIT to sit down in a car with Melanie and drive 1900 miles after next week. And spend a couple of days with my mommy on the way!!

2 my own little life.

– Unsure what to title this piece of the Big Five. My first try was “isolation,” but it’s more than that. Truth, I have isolated myself from many of my friends over the past couple of months. This summer was a very social time for me, however it was social in that I attracted and gave attentions to new people, people I wasn’t necessarily planning to commit to in any way. This behavior seems to at last be waning a bit, but I am not returning to old and good friends. I am finding that these days, my energies like to be spent inside my own little life. Practicing, learning, caring for myself, and sort of reforming. The people I love have been gently moved towards the periphery. I struggle with this because I haven’t done it before. The people in my life have always played a major role and garnered much of my attentions. I don’t feel any less care towards them than usual, I just don’t need them omnipresent right now. I wonder how the changing of seasons affects these behaviors..

3 spirituality and self-healing.

– To go along with my little life and the elimination of social distraction, my interest in my own spirituality is prickling. I had a minor surgery a month ago and the incision has refused to heal. My body rebels against antibiotics. I decided recently, then, that I was just going to heal myself.

– Yona’s serenity and calmness in all of his calamity is fascinating and enviable. I will achieve it.

– Realizing how spiritual I am as a person, automatically. Living simply. Avoiding excess. Remembering the goal of long-term happiness. Reminding myself that I am safe. Having gratitude and cheer. Seeing (looking, knowing).

4 my body.

– Letting myself come back into it. Paying attention and giving, caring for it.

5 transitioning.

– Place to place and life to life.

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Half-Month Big Five

The Big Five: Current top overarching concerns of my life.

1 work

2 relatios

– “Dating.” Singledom. Butterflies. Both sexes. Nothing even close to constitution of a “relationship” and thus it’s shortened to “relatio.”

3 my body

– Lack of motion. Placid and flaccid. Chest injury from recent bike accident.

4 my bike

5 change of seasons

– This summer made me happier than I’ve felt consistently in a long while. Private perpetual prayers against the coming cold.

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