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Archive for July, 2010

pass wisdom

“I understood very early on in knowing you that you also struggled with the inability to love yourself.  I wanted to hold you in my arms and make sure you knew there was nothing wrong with you, or that maybe there was, but that it’s OK to not be OK, apart from the fact that it sucks.  I’m learning bit by bit to not fight my darkness.  That’s what the darkness wants, it wants me to fight with it, to grind my teeth in my sleep and drink and punch the walls.”

“I’ve given up on ”fixing” myself, cause goddamnit, I’m not broken, or if I am, it’s not my fault, so fuck it.”

genius friend love i

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over and under again this card has pulled itself to show me

monthswise

and telling me : LET GO, OPEN YOUR HEART

the task i know because i was told must be so simple

WHAT IS IN THE WAY.

why why why wouldn’t i accept unconditional love

since i know not how to love myself that manner

but WHY?

there is a key

there must be a key

one answer

because he knows so much more than me.

he knows and loves my choice so personally that it burns him when i make the wrong one

when i take evil into my body

my task today is positivity

it is making this world what I want it to be with every breath

step jitter

what simplicity, how?

w

what seems

what seem so hard

what is blocking the way

to making me human

to making them all know

themselves

t having them realize beyond conceptually

relearning

relearning

tao

tao

too

tao

to

tooo

touch

gun

its politics

this constant battle over how much face to save

how much do i compromise myself for this stupid fucking job

how much love do i give people

how do i tolerate their evisceration of others

when i know it stems from a lifetime of conditioning

how do i hold them

how do i hold myself

this is not easy

it seems so hard for me

someone says its just a dare

chilis say take a dare

what am i not daring

and why

why

why

am i failing

WHAT IS IN Thy way

its not enough to be more anything

baby

i heard you for the first time today on my message machine

and still can’t answer why i never heard you before.

my eyes are clear

but i m tentative

where s the dangling rope

mercury

you tricky girl

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Has been bone

Bone is none but dry brittle death without the softness of flesh and fur encompassing

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What I did

was Violence.

_

what we do to each other all the day            is Violence

let go

and gently remind of each’s humanity

.

it’s the subtleties that tell truth

its breath

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centcent

infinite ways to teach and number’d that to learn

we do both

we done

live

perspectives are a crystal

.

the time hard to swallow

is the notion how i thought i’d be doing right

as i chipped more away

at the skin,

reaching for veins

how it not meant

how

how i said i love you because i believed it

how you knew my will was there

my will was strong

it wasn’t will to missing,

it was softness. relaxation. letting was missing

the flow of prana

cannot be controlled

only ridden

.

redden, friend

called back for more lessons

and lessons are pain

and depth to this life is uncountable

ingraspable – (literally but certain not (1)!)

.

there are many ways to teach

as many as ways for mistakes make

{i wasnt looking at it your way]]                weall want a partner….. (part)ner composed only of (part)s? P(art)ner\

its been seen

..

and I ask ask

how to be human when as i walk they daunt me sweetheart

how to be human with debt to a government

art is in yoga within limits?

art is in PARTner?

still figuring, babe

trusting you’re all right

because good people will always be all right

sat nam is precious

you’re all right

.

i will bow sweetly out of the clutches of power’s dazzles

slowpen

learn to show others their humanity

in each act

(true yoga)

————blood marks the path

(the red path. The red Earth
)

grace, my friend, is a practice

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birdly

Christ came from poverty

because one cannot know incredible bliss without incredible burden.

this is the purpose of self-sacrifice.

.

i will move freely and learn to reopen my heart

i will continue to search for understanding and everlasting growth

i will make it up to you, all the pain I have caused

and the love i grow will return infinite-fold, darling

your vibrations will rise

into the very fire and cloud of ecstasy

we held so close between our breasts

and in our wet mouths full of jewels

but i will hope

so

every day

so will hope

that you are warm

like i wish’t i wouldv mayed you

butterscotch and sourgrass,

the warm sun in an island of pond and frog

next to man and beast, hair curling

i was the bunny

but i’ll learn alchemy yet

and make a lover out of me

a lover of such power

you won’t block the rays of mine intention from yorange aura

juice, brother

peace and i dream about your arms still

as i correct every mistake

with each breath

and feel the cage unlock

setting you free

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V

“The Tao doesn’t take sides;
it gives birth to both good and evil.
The Master doesn’t take sides;
she welcomes both saints and sinners.

The Tao is like a bellows:
it is empty yet infinitely capable.
The more you use it, the more it produces;
the more you talk of it, the less you understand.

Hold on to the center.”

.

.

How infinitely wrong I was

am

what I do is incorrect

even when believing my intentions are correct.

I’m the miser.

I was the page of fire: playfulness, I am now politics, I will be the outsider until I join in to participation

I must overcome miserliness

to achieve the full extension of my worth/work

to rest easy in inner essence

to be expansive from within

unlimited

to be doing for the universe

to be serving.

.

this blog is for him

all of these writings for him

everything I have done since we came together – for him.

all some unconscious sacrifice

but at the same time

my actions are none but self-serving

my definitions of everything supporting this

and protecting me

from what???! from myself

protecting a fake me from a real me?

protecting the miser from expansion

.

what needs to be done.

he is special.

how could i ever have presumed that i, too, am special

when i just limited him with my minute frame of mind

my nothingness

nope- christ consciousness – the western world will be saved by a western womyn

will he survive?

if nothing else, he’

if he makes it to the shift

perhaps he’s one of the only ones left.

.

I am wrong.

I am wrong and humbled.

I task myself to be greatly humbled

I task myself to see HUMANITY

and to greet my own

and to defeat others with grace when they wish to steal or beat it from me and others

standing up

standing up

“you can fool some people sometimes”

.

The challenges will keep coming.

I can choose either to deaden myself against them and waste each breath performing

or I can grab the horns of challenge and face what shall be done. He is not gone from me. He can never be gone

i cannot rest in a complacency which diseases the world and all its creatures

LOVE will be known

love

will

law

love

will

law

love

take

give

have

pull

apart

polar

shifts

frequency

knowing

seeing

having

taking

going

going

.

LIFE IS NOT ABOUT THE BULLSHIT TRANCES THE GLOBAL CAPITALISTIC SOCIETY HAS TRICKED US INTO BELIEVING IT IS ABOUT. who am i still to believe that when it empties me more every breath

when the expansiveness i have found is converse to these convex holes we’ve been shoved to

when i am written off as a category

when the conversations i have with others are absolutely emptyheaded, surface, blinding, starving

.

that morning the three of us spoke without speaking,

there was never enough food to go around

but we ate like kings and queen, each our tools and pendulums,

because the pen on paper nourished us with truth

TRUTH is all one needs

to survive

for real.

Only fear keeps one from realizing this

who am i

i am my own creator

i will be

i can be

my path is not clear

but i cannot remain so wrong.

Aye will get what’s coming. To ME. Aye will get what Aye deserve

and Aye shall bleed

all over pavement

to feel the coldness of any desert

Aye’ve contributed.

I hope the sand grinds the crack of mye ass until i’m raw and every time Aye shit Aye feel it like torn papers and lizard skin

.

she must burn

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