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Posts Tagged ‘hurt’

ur 4-me-ness

and the sirens Sing.

 

music of death, injury, and trauma

 

if e’er a good place to be depressed, thss were it. Rooms lit by the warmth of an open oven –

a kitten pouncing on my feet at random,

makeshift bread puddings,

and words of agreement on paint colors.

the freedom of girls whose skin gets brighter

wth the tendence of god’s will.

travel and peace, time and velvet intuits.

spinning vinyl in the corners

and candles slowly litting,

emitting

furls and uncurls

of the absence of r Union

and the masking of cold, cold afternoons in sweaters.

 

I hesitate to say I’m doing poorly

‘til I notice how my lungs’v shrunk

nd that the pace of my life has become less-sustainable.

It’s been my task to still and absorb

I feel I’ve been failing. (felt definitively something shifting)

but still unknowing how to conceive anymore.

 

I like, however,

relinquishing control

to some extent.

 

I hesitate to say I’m

devastated

‘til I think of how much work I do these days

just to feel like myself –

when the memory of getting into the driver’s seat after work,

feeling your skin on mine,

and blooming my bouquet in your vast, lay-to-wait-luminescence,

made me feel more at home

inside this vessel

than anything ever does.

 

It was the subtlest layer unfurling.

juicy heart neath all that design:

the Yoga of finding center

without looking.

 

You led me straight there every time.

 

 

May I never underestimate

the value of your for-me-ness

 

 

HOnestly, HOney, these energies so comingling

for endlessness.

I can’t express enough

the depth of your waters

or how tantalizing they are.

These memory lanes are lined with leaves

to gather and crunch and dine on as they die

and dancing flames, shifting their arenas

with twisting confidence.

and manure

and piss

and my own menstrual blood, shaking out over the undergrowth.

these lanes are dawn and dusk

and live beside the core(ps) of my being

for now and how long.

 

How often is it,

anyway,

you find a man who is your flesh and blood

know it the moment you lay in the grass together

who can talk your language,

which happens to jive with the tongue of the trees?

 

how often is it

that these tormenting dreams

bring one truth?

 

I always want to tame or suppress my darkness.

His light was bright enough

to illuminate all that

 

without him I need some rock to hold

so I can quiet in the night

and stay up past eleven

breathing through my nose.

 

 

I’ll never understand all this.

Only can I unfold it.

Til then, search on the untold

caress the heart

and sensitize the malleable mold.

 

And see what continent;

what mount r plain;

will seize my form for the coming times.

 

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I want to sing

to you, my love

My only love

and happiness

Don’t be so blue,

so blue, my love

Take off your shoes

Take off my dress

I want to sing

to you, my love

My only love

and happiness

Don’t be so blue

so blue, my love

This, too, shall pass

This, too, shall pass

But tell me, tell me what

have I done

to deserve you?

Must have done something

’cause that’s how

it works.

Must have been kind

to kittens and birds

in a previous life

Must have thought happy thoughts

happy thoughts

‘Cause there,

you were there, right beside me

and somehow inside me while

inside myself

Books on the shelf

Thoughts on the shelf

Hands to myself

I should definitely keep my hands to myself

’cause love

is a dangerous pastime.

Caught between madness and gladness

of flight

Nothing is wrong

and nothing is right

falling asleep

in your arms every night.

But love’s

such a strange situation

full of frustration and

anger and fear

Everything’s tears

Nobody hears

Nobody’s here and

Nobody hears

I

want to sing

to you, my love

My only love

and happiness.

Don’t be so blue,

so blue, my love

Take off your shoes –

Take off my dress

I want to sing

to you, my love

My only love and

happiness

Don’t be so blue,

so blue, my love

this too, shall pass.

This, too, shall pass.

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fearing nearing obsession,

yourestillhereyourestillhereyourestillhere!!! INSIDE ME

this is why it’s become hard to look to the sky!

something I can’t face

baby,

youre here (“whether we like it or not”]]

our stars keeping an eyewatch. measuring their own brightness,

attempting to tempt me on board-

something is wrong

This verges on becoming some prevention method; some extra cyclic sickness

i fear

what if we’ve lost the youth of our connection??

the deeper we go the more difficult it becomes to emerge. skin layers then need peeling

and blood always comes, at least a dusting.

I AM SICK, DEAR, ARE YOU SICK? IS TIME WASTING US FURTHER? BECAUSE OF ME, IS NECESSARY WORK GOING TO SEED without planting?

I’ve never grasped so hard for religion

never needed any guiding

or doubted my impulses

never did I want a set of rules to follow

any sort of panacea

but now that I know everything is so wrong I feel I must scramble to discover and make rightness

now that living requires this much energy

and even more faith

i’m doing nothing. I’m being less.

please please dont blame me for any failings

please please i am too weak will comply-bend-falter-knees collapse into fallen pickles in a dehydrated stack of leather satchels limply weir-els

where is the purpose drive

and why cant i find it within me like always before

this current constant death and apathy

my neck breaks

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